Hooping and cleaning and probably some cats
About this stream
The stream unfolds like a casual multi-room home vlog mixed with a diffusion of chaotic, eclectic chatter: many shots are of kitchens and living rooms where someone is cooking or tidying, paired with frequent clips of people posing, gesturing, or watching TV while the space looks cluttered with furniture and decor. Interspersed are lengthy, often rambling monologues and comments—some reflective about eye color and self-acceptance, some cryptic or humorous—that give a surreal, freeform vibe to the chat. The overall mood is informal and homey but frenetic, bouncing between domestic activities (cooking, pouring, adjusting decor) and unpredictable, stream-of-consciousness talk and on-screen play/fantasy sequences. Thematic threads include everyday life, light self-expression, and a hint of improvisational or performative energy as the host moves through rooms and topics.
Written by AI from the stream.
Transcript (AI, 1506 lines)
Curlberries.
Limited edition.
This is free.
I feel like I'm back in school opening milk like this.
Ah, nothing.
It's stupid.
You wouldn't realize it.
Ah, you're good, man.
Go ahead.
Well, it's just that blue-eyed people get all the good compliments, and I have brown eyes.
I don't really get any eyes or, like, dirt.
Dirt?
Hold on.
I mean that as a compliment, because there's the source of food and life in every single continent.
They sparkle like copas.
The stars could never parallel.
They look so sweet, like coffee filled with caravans.
It is sweet.
And like the autumn leaves, they follow all the trees.
The colors in your eyes are as loved as they ought to be.
The warmth inside of that matches the heart inside of me.
It's like it's meant to be.
Ah, see?
Brown eyes can be beautiful, too.
It's all about loving truly what was given to you.
But I'm sure you want to know if I can do it if I'm able, or what would I say if they were hazel?
Your eyes have a little bit of everything.
Yeah, obviously.
And I'd rather have a jack of all than a master of one.
Your eyes hold true surprise.
A single color is no fun.
They are second to none, and they dance in the sun.
And the one thing I remember about eyes like yours is I can go sifting through them every time I'm bored to find nuggets of gold.
Like in the California vivants, if you ever need a gift of hazel, eyes don't deliver.
Whoa!
Shivers!
Those eyes are winners, too.
It's almost like your eyes are something unique just to you.
But I know your mind is wandering as you become serene.
But what would I say if they were green?
Your eyes shine like animals in the light.
Yeah?
They resemble lovely sight.
Love.
Fireflies blowing bright and warming up the night.
Come on.
An attempt to match the vibrations of fail on every try.
With eyes like fully profile, that luck is by your side.
Because the odds of having eyes with Mother Nature's favorite color is a feat that's so rare, you'd be shocked to find another.
So whenever you think green is super dinky or it sucks, just remember that in nature, it's a healthy sign of love.
See?
Duh.
Every eye has magic.
Hidden in the iris that's woven tight like fabric.
Of course you're not cheesy yet.
You must know what I do.
What would I say if they were blue?
Your eyes are like diamonds.
That's cheesy.
You're right.
That's easy.
And compare it to the sky or ocean waves and feel like cheating.
Because your eyes are so much more than that.
There must be deeper meaning.
Because your gaze feels like a home I could stay without ever leaving.
They are the soul.
Your soul is something special.
See?
Your eyes are just a glimpse of the beauty inside your castle.
Wow.
And from within.
And you don't even would react.
If your eyes are so dark, they looked black.
Your eyes are like the boldest of obsidian.
Like the rock.
Like the crescent volcano that blow you to oblivion.
The inability that the space looks empty too until you get a better view.
The night is as part of you people too.
Phew.
I won't lie.
What a crazy journey.
Finished yet.
There's still a color that's yearning.
So join me in this moment.
There's no need for more delay.
What would I say if they were gray?
Your eyes are my days.
The tide will air with you.
Light being the way for you make up the eye that's shining in the sun.
Even after this, I'm sure I probably missed a few.
I hope by now we've learned that the beauty's inside of you.
Yeah.
It's time to stop digging into the green.
Is it good?
Then due to some kind of crazy incident, you got kicked off in that force.
As you start playing music, before you do it, you want America's Got Talent.
You're crackling bacon!
What a long, strange trip it's been.
Love you guys!
Oh, I gotta tell Rick Parker, he's not gonna repeat this.
Dude, you gotta get over here right now, I'm grabbing.
He's going to shoot his pants.
You know what I'm being hilarious?
When he comes on the bus, you can pick him in the nuts as hard as you can.
Dude, just drool the guy!
What the hell is going on in here?
Oh my God!
Crackling bacon!
Yeah?
You got my favorite band, like what?
You know who the Crackling bacon was until I played them for you?
Yeah, I did!
Oh man, what's your favorite song?
Pork?
Oh yeah, how does it go then?
Uh-huh.
I'm gonna eat you like a pulled pork sandwich!
Can you eat and drop your bread like a hot steak?
Hey, how would you like to join Crackling bacon?
You're looking for a new lead singer for the more beef!
You got me?
I can do it better than him.
I'm gonna eat you like a pulled pork sandwich!
Kung fu you like a Jackie sandwich!
Come on!
You guys clearly have the set, but do you have the moves?
Hit it!
Bumps!
Kick your tail for life!
Well, there's one more test you gotta pass before we let you join Crackling bacon.
We wanna know if you can keep up with a juice and loose set.
She's in the back, okay?
But I warn you, quite a handful.
*Sexy music plays*
Oh, that's not this. This is a matter of fact.
A whole man.
*Sexy music plays*
Fellas, I never saw this door. It's an everlasting fame. It's a door.
You get the jackie. I'll get an ID.
*Sexy music plays*
Almost got it.
Those stupid cots.
Yeah, they're cool as hell.
I mean, look at 'em. Still cool?
Mm-hmm.
Probably had that body, though.
Yeah, yeah.
What do you like, Farrah?
We work up there.
Alright, we'll pull out your cuffs.
Let's go.
What?
Let's go!
Stand in here with my cock in my hand.
Grab your cock and put it in the holes!
Come on, let me see that big cock!
It's funny, Farrah.
You've made that joke 400 times, and it still sucks.
Fuck you, Matty.
You don't talk to your same supervisor like that.
That's one to bear with an impermanent.
I'm not my permanent construction tracker.
That's right. You want another one?
Keep it up.
Yeah, give me another one.
Get your dick, us too.
You want to go for three?
Okay.
Bingo! You got it!
You want another one?
Wee-pee-pee-pee!
You got it!
You want another one?
I'll take a one!
That's seven! You want another one?
Give me ten!
Bingo! Back!
That's cool.
Oh, man.
This is the craziest dream.
Where were the cops this time?
Stifler and Dave Ways Junior.
They're almost kissing.
Yeah.
Uh-huh.
I almost got two.
Morning, Zach.
I'm glad.
Hey.
Is Bobby nearby?
Oh yeah, spinning distance.
Do me a favor.
Back please, mouse.
Okay.
We'll do.
So, change of location for this weekend's fishing trip.
Just over the Canadian border.
Oh sweet!
I love Canada!
Good one.
I'll mail you the address.
Well, I'm gonna stamp this text me.
Text?
What do you mean like, uh, mail text?
Yeah.
I do believe I have that facility on this one.
Okay.
Will do.
That's it.
I'll mail you the text this weekend.
Personal calls back.
What the fuck?
Woo!
God damn it.
Farmer.
I don't get no personal calls.
There's a sales call.
Oh yeah?
What were they selling?
Was it canned salmon?
I love canned salmon.
Better than too many, you know?
It's a salty fish.
I like a salty fish.
Like a grouper.
Or maybe a brancino.
Something that really jerks off your blood pressure.
You know what's salty?
Turtle.
Turtle before?
Saltiest part?
Shell.
Who would I have to say to get ahead of this conversation?
You could say, uh, the guy on the phone was trying to sell me hard dicks.
The guy on the phone was trying to sell me hard dicks.
I bet you bought a baker's dust.
Ha ha ha!
Let's lay some talk.
I got a first talk, everybody!
Fuck the cock here!
Woo!
Fuck the cock!
Of course, huh?
I said real men try to like.
It was pretty cool.
Like the brown paper towel gap.
See?
I was gonna say the Bombay paper towel gap.
Hey, this job sucks.
Hell seven.
Splinters.
Now it smells like Bombay.
Put that shirt back on.
Breathe it in, little fella.
That's the smell of a mountain man.
Riiiight.
What time you get back to the hobo zoo?
Riding them in a sidecar anyway.
Not what you said last night.
Yeah, but you're 14 of the Sugarfrag Motel.
Officer keeps guiding you.
I'll be right there.
Copy.
You should have said we get fired.
We weren't fired.
We were invited to resign.
No, you were fired.
Not right along, gone wrong.
Then you were fired.
Just have to agree to disagree.
Well, you fellas have fun.
Just give them back one piece, alright?
Rod.
It's gonna be hit next.
Hello, okay.
That's my girl.
That's my boy.
Okay, she's got it.
The beauty is to walk us so much.
That it's really fun.
I mean, it's really mid-night food.
It's just like the old days, huh?
Driving around the countryside, listening to the phone and talk about it today.
It's the old days.
That's bullshit, man.
That's probably the same.
It's not our fault.
that's a new rival. Actors shouldn't even try to play comps. I mean, they never get it right.
You know what?
Good time, and you'll be up to your tits in the walleye. I caught one last week with seven kilograms.
That big?
It's meters from tip to tail. I'm coming like you there in the back.
Silver?
Huh?
Don't tell me. I don't want you to embarrass me. But I wouldn't like two tickets to your gun show.
Huh?
You guys are good to go. Story will hold you up. Let him go!
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Cap sent me, although he did just learn how to text me. I will tell somebody to throw a tire on me.
You never play throw the tire on the roof. No. The right place.
You're a creepy remote shuttle, Cap. Can you make us put the lotion in the basket?
No, I'm not a surprise. I didn't tell you up front because you tend to be a bunch of white-mouth bashers.
Well, then. Why don't you let me reel in from his fish, John?
Cover it, Jasmine. Hey, I didn't see the motorcade.
We're keeping my fish private.
I'm happy and dirty. Show some respect, Mac.
I'm here on the fishing business.
We've got an intriguing situation going on in the stores.
With all the heat on immigration these days, the U.S. has been going.
It turns out that some of the original stone markers that delineated America and Canada are without the green.
Here is where the border guards.
Here is where we found the stores.
So this town, St. George, Jumorah, and the area surrounding it are actually on American soil.
No war.
Ah, gee, that'd be a quick one, eh?
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, no.
Negotiations, they've agreed to turn the land.
So, it was up to me to find a temporary police force to help with the transit.
A group of officers familiar with the border area, experienced in controlling a stretch of the highway.
Guys who may become a great police on the ground.
So you fellas want to crack at your old jobs?
Go as well.
Might be able to make it.
Trust us. It'll be allowed.
Who are you?
You'll be phasing out a Canadian mountain unit.
We'd like you to meet a great friend tomorrow.
Oh, yeah.
Make sure you add your whole team back so I can track down your other things, too.
Vaporize the video.
No hunger's up here.
I have sex, a million Inuit.
*laughter*
Fuck damn fuck you fuck!
And do you have the chance to crack some nuts? I don't think so, bro, huh?
Zoom!
Eye armor, check. Actual flash, that's why not.
Heat vision goggles, check.
Alright, where do we need those?
We're in Canada now, right? We have to find some eggs.
Uh, there's no, come on.
Okay, I'm the order stuff guy, you do your...
Alright.
Okay, they need one yellow safety vest for rabbit.
Ooh, a roving GPS triangulator.
Triangulator, get a lot of jigs blown over here.
Another yellow safety vest for thorny.
Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor.
Ramp, rod, ramp, rod, now rod.
You're out, he's in.
Hey, Captain.
Hey, this looks great.
But what do you even think, Captain?
Think you'll clock if you don't watch out.
Okay, let's get started, man.
Don't push it, Mac.
Let's start doing some pullovers.
No, we're not doing your pullovers.
Everything will be by the book.
Very big.
Cap, you know how hard on this thing?
Big face, big mustache.
I don't care how big your face is.
Shame it.
Cap, cap, cap, cap.
Not good, right?
I gotta take my one.
Talk about big faces.
That's faces on cap.
Not regulation.
Shame it.
Right.
Let's go and see some mountains.
Remember the three bees.
Best behavior, boys.
You're from St. George de la Grande, Canada.
Or, this is about to be wrong.
St. George of Morris.
America?
I don't know.
Not so good with America.
Welcome.
From the Montreal Canadian Mike League system.
Score, the Halifax Variators.
Maintenance points in CHL history.
Yeah, I know.
Two points behind shotty.
That's not great.
Look at this guy.
I love hockey.
Your nickname?
Um.
The explosion.
The Halifax explosion.
Aimed after the single greatest man-made explosion.
The full machine.
It was in 1917.
A ship made with dynamite.
Crashed into another ship in Halifax Harbor.
Tremendous explosion and balls of lightning.
Burned people's eyes out with a blast.
Many were blinded by the light of the solstice.
And, the First Nations Tribes lost.
Probably could have moved anyway, but it kind of moved the time to.
So, I am the second biggest explosion.
I am the second biggest explosion.
I am actually good enough about me.
Meet the monkeys.
Guys.
Please.
Come on over here.
This is Sergeant Major Roger Asherbaugh.
This is Staff Sergeant Major Henri Protin.
And Sergeant Christophe Auvin.
Total gobbling of it.
I am Martin Hegel.
This is Roger Farber.
Bobby Rodo.
Kyle Foster.
McIntyre Wormack.
And, I call him.
I call him.
Let's be modern.
Ha, ha, ha, ha.
I'll let you guys chew the cut.
I can go fuck off to the other room here.
Just like some.
American.
Beer.
But this isn't 1957 driving around Victoria.
Hey, us too.
You get a little soup in and they can rip your knob off.
Am I right?
Ha, ha, ha.
I don't care about you guys, huh?
Because first you get your highway station shut down.
And then you get kicked out from your second job because of this, uh, savage thing.
Savage.
I'm treating you nice.
So what are you going to do here?
Go for the app trick?
Ha, ha, ha, ha.
Well, fresh open and hold on to these jobs.
Ha, ha.
What are you guys doing after the turnover?
I don't know.
Well, they're, uh, they're transferring or something.
Oh, cool.
It's cool, alright.
Outbridge winter temperature is minus 18 debris Celsius.
Yeah, all you have to do with your bird is type 2 at 32.
The rest of you.
Hey, rookie.
They got non-alcohol motions over.
I'm going to get you a half carafe.
Oh, we got a rookie here.
They, uh, shave your nuts yet.
Canadian tradition says you got a shave of what's not, otherwise it's a bad one.
You don't say.
I am actually not right.
Which one of you guys has at least security?
Ha, ha, ha.
Same thing's got bald.
I will see that things will smoothly.
Please, if you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask.
You're a little bit of a mental when you're poking the fire, you know what I'm saying?
Right, guys?
You know what I'm saying, right?
Okay, well, they are waiting for us to be able to come.
Who's waiting? Where?
Please, let's give a big Canadian welcome to the Belmont Highway.
For all of us to become Americans. So let's do that.
You know, this reminds me of the story of the rabbi, the priest, and the Hindu in the canoe.
Go blow yourself!
Captain John Hayden.
You see, technically we're all Americans, right?
North America? Very little is going to change around here.
Oh yeah, right, you're probably going to tell us we can't listen to Rush anymore.
Or the Barenaked Ladies.
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
If you want the Rush and the Barenaked Ladies, you should listen to both.
So you want to?
This is America now, and I got to love it.
You're here for me.
I'm the Uncontractable Legion of the United States.
I know my way around the gas.
Are you making that?
We are too long, too.
As I see.
You're supposed to be partners.
Ah, come on, cut them some slack.
I'm upset about losing your identities.
I'll do a bullshit, and that'll piss you off.
Actually, I didn't sleep at all last night.
Well, we've got a job to do.
Rannaked.
Go ahead.
It's okay.
Uh, maybe.
Yeah, catch me up.
Oh, oh, oh, oh.
Frenchy had her eyes on my thighs all night long.
Oh yeah, keep laughing.
I bet you a bucket thing to crave that reverse.
Okay.
Put your money where your mouth's been.
Fuck the buck.
Loser sits on a cactus.
No.
Loser gets a perm.
No.
Loser cuts his pinky toe off of the shovel.
Take that thumb.
Just take that thumb.
Take that thumb.
I'll jump off it.
You should shut up for it.
Okay.
We have a deal.
You heard it right.
We have a deal.
You're going to keep the illegal aliens, huh?
Oh, welcome officers.
Welcome to the guys who stood around while people threw hockey fucks at us.
You're going to come up here talking all that make America great crap you're bound to catch a face full of Canadian tomato.
Okay, okay, listen up.
Two of you are going to ride with the mountains.
They'll show you where the bodies are married.
Actually, it is.
You two.
Not all right.
You have a good time either, fellas.
Personally, I'd rather fuck a hoes.
See, I would need a ladder to fuck a hoes.
But I will find one.
And I will fuck that hoes.
Okay!
Morning, have it.
I've got a highway job.
Let's do it.
You can't have a car ride, right?
Why don't you stay here?
Sit over here.
That's the radio, though.
Great idea.
That way, if a home comes in, you can answer.
Yeah.
You want another day, though, okay?
Take a turn.
It's a new station.
Radio pan.
We need a second.
Two of them.
What do you say?
You're swallowing M&M's home.
Yeah, just make me horny.
We're going to the same place, right?
We're going to get a radio check.
Talk to your buddy buddy.
You know, every job has that one guy that you love to hate, obnoxious, false-ish.
You mean like your typical American?
We're waiting on that radio check.
This assignment?
That's great. Outside? On duty?
And what's 80 kilometers per hour in English?
49.7097 miles per hour.
I don't think they have any decimals.
Do you have a shower read?
3-23.
Yeah, radio, until the turnover, we have to keep things metric.
So we are now doing a 37.01 fiber. Try again?
Whatever.
I can't call an auto-nuke 77 or some rubber-shock of bullshit.
There's a gaggle of dead Canadian geese on the road.
Yeah, apparently they just call on geese radio.
Yeah, well, at least I call American geese.
Go clean 'em off.
That's a big 16.09-6436 are good, bud.
I got there's a pancake shed and that's a blackjack.
Oh, and there on the right, that's a Gigi's spectacular pancakes.
Oh, they're really a wonderful.
It's like the queen must really love pancakes.
What's that supposed to mean?
Weren't you guys still ruled by the queen of England?
I mean, she's all over here, buddy.
How long do you know that we achieve our independence in 1982?
Oh!
Okay.
Did a whale perform at the ceremony?
Yeah, maybe it's not our independence sooner.
We have built-in control, not believe in evolution and all the morbid realties without help here.
We're going to make the local business owners.
Do you have that influence?
I don't know.
Put me in, coach.
Look who it is.
It's the fuzz.
The mayor hangs out at the Fort Della.
The mayor owned the Fort Della.
Let's go, boys.
How about a beer in a tub?
In the house.
Yeah.
Maybe later.
I understand.
Scramble.
Oh!
Who's that?
Guys!
You don't like women?
You don't like men.
Should I get River Beaver to pleasure him?
It's a joke.
Their team is so sure.
They'll be horrible.
I'm going to help you with this.
Oh, yeah.
I just want to talk about their U.S. laws.
You know, like, you've got to serve them, make your beer, and shut down brothels.
Shut down brothels.
Who put you up to this?
Jumple.
You guys pull on my chain?
Look, I don't think there's any way to get too hung up on them.
You can't believe down in the States it's illegal to have a beer and a joint, Cincinnati.
I mean, they're hard there.
Oh, man.
It could work out me.
Honestly, we're not here to lay down any problems.
We're very sorry if there's been a misunderstanding.
We're sorry.
Sorry.
Oh, I'm here.
I mean, I think the limit in the U.S. is, what, 9%?
9%?
How are you supposed to be drunk like that?
I mean, no.
The idea is you drink more of the week or something.
I bet it is.
It is.
You Americans.
Drinking and eating everything.
They eat so bad.
Hey, come on over here.
I don't think we have jurisdiction here anymore, buddy.
It's not like we're here to screw you out of your eyes.
Dr. Jonathan, you're not.
Okay.
Relax.
Go away, you American.
I can't tell if he's calling me skinny or fat.
I'll be right there just as soon as we finish taking selfies with the Victoria's Secret blowjob team.
Blitter again? Blitter again? It's like we never left.
Don't bite him you little shit-cake! What's your name kid?
Take the car!
It's like sucking Castro's cold wrinkled dick.
Cuba Cigars. We've got a good iPhone to hunt for ourselves. We've got something.
Boy's still looking at a booty closet.
What now?
Booty. Not really.
We should call him Abe all day.
Right?
Same number. That's a great lie.
So, what do you do then?
Not sure.
Why different kinds?
None of them that work.
Hey, the U.S. lab sent sent them to the Canadian lab.
The Canadian lab sent them over to the U.S. lab there.
Maybe mommy's at some point.
No!
Talk about these, fucking Canada!
Well, we know this was the number.
Easy on the local cop conspiracies.
You'll solve this case ourselves.
God, we'll tell you.
See that line in the lab for us.
Wah, wah.
I don't need some nerd in the lab told you to tell me what this shit is.
Sometimes even I've gotta get into you.
You're a weird son of a bitch.
But why is it that you chew a pill and you swallow that lens over?
I'm a complicated guy back.
Hey, alright.
Period.
It's a lot.
It should be a muscle license.
You really can't move.
I'm numb.
I'm not going to touch with my side of my spine.
It's a lot.
How do you think it's a mood enhancer?
Do we do more fly strips?
It'll make them happen.
Oh, yeah.
That would be speed, right?
Absolutely.
Wow, you seem happy.
I just like to be back on the job.
Yeah, okay.
Well, I knew you weren't me.
Oh, and I tell you the other way, I could hang out a triangulator.
Why would you need a triangulator?
Why does everyone keep saying that? It's a triangulate, baby.
Hey, how come I never go dance here?
When I get home, we're gonna go fucking dance.
Okay, I can't wait.
Robert, I need some marmalade.
Robert, give me some marmalade, please.
Give me some goddamn marmalade, rookie.
Don't you call me lucky, you fucker.
I will fucking put my fissure through your head.
I'm thinking right, Samson.
Have I given you feel anything?
Wet mouth.
Sweating palms.
Moist ear canals, and I'm just feeling emotional.
Hmm, okay.
I think you took a Canadian female sexual enhancement drug called Lovascocia.
Made in Canada, but banned in the U.S.
Right, I've got those rats at Lovas, Lovas, Lovas, Lovas, Lovas, Lovas, Lovas, Lovas, Lovas, Lovas, Lovas, Lovas, Lovas, Lovas, Lovas, Lovas, Lovas, Lovas, Lovas, Lovas, Lovas, Lovas, Lovas, Lovas.
You can say queefing on Canadian TV?
How about a country?
How about you? You're awful smiling.
I'm on acid.
Pharmaceutical acid? Is there such a thing?
I don't know, but I do know you have exactly 1,509 hairs in your mustache.
Close. 1,521. I haven't counted for my birthday.
Yeah.
I don't know what to believe.
You guys come up with that?
Indeed, we have some very interesting leads.
Some of them are pure.
I think that we are on top.
We're going to find out who did this.
We're going to stop in the stupid fucking faces!
Well, Jack's are getting it.
It's on abandoned land all by the front mining company, so anyone could have put the booty out there.
why are you laughing that's funny we stick out the shack maybe we can catch someone color to color
let's get back out of here that's steroids my puppies my name's rabbit king yeah steroids men
take away don't help the job stress you out i love the job don't stress me out more about
stressing me out it's a shame one of the good looking ones always so noxious i think he's good
looking oh beautiful the bigger the cushion the better the push i would rather have sex with the
bubble i don't know we don't have like one or another person we work for me it's my office manager
he can be such a dickwad this is what you're actually saying dickwad it's true he is a dickwad
damn classic first you steal our job why you sit here gazing lovingly into the eyes of our women
your women maybe we should take him in the back you've been canadian and shake huh
what's that let's just say it involve a bag of a kipak and a lot of warm gravy
it sounds delicious we look like professor steven hocking has really let himself build these days
and you and I are bad.
- Well, they've got one always
right around on these little scooters.
You ever stop and think that if you walk,
you might actually get in?
- These kids are harassing the handicapped.
Everybody love.
Take a photo video.
- Far from over.
- I want to put the PJs back in the way.
There's some money I need to bring to a hole.
- What are you two doing together?
- Mall walking?
- We ran into each other at the pit zone.
- Oh, rabbit.
I'm shopping for a new chair, bro.
- Hey, wait a minute.
How about the two of us go over to the Szechuan Palace
and get a wang dang doodle?
- Uh, no.
- Woof woof, put a little bark in that hole, boy.
- Okay, I'm going to go.
- See, don't leave on my account.
Hold up.
There is no bed for him.
Okay, new bed then.
Loser not only cuts off his pinky toe with a shovel,
he puts it in the blender and drinks it
in a smoothie, toenail and all.
Shake it, don't mistake it.
- You're serious.
Serious is a heart attack.
And as you know, I've had two.
- How's moody?
- What did it come?
- The fact is, what's wrong with him?
- Yeah, let's see.
- Oh, yeah, that works so big.
- Triangle.
- Oh, we always do.
- Triangle.
- And there we go.
- All right, all right, all right.
Just, you're not shaking my balls.
- It'd be an insult to our Canadian hosts that we didn't.
- It doesn't work anymore.
Get these off me.
Do you not want to be an ambassador of goodwill?
- No, I don't.
Get these off me.
- Rabbit, it's not like we want to shave your balls.
Torney, do you want to shave his balls to me?
- Hell no.
- Lobster?
- No way.
- You don't want to shave his balls to any part of it?
- Hell yeah, I do.
I even went out to fall for those old-timey straight racers.
- No.
- Check this out.
- This goddamn today, you want me to spread to my freaking sperm count!
- Are you still taking the flow to Scotia?
- What part of the side effects of the creation of bitchiness did you not understand?
- Dude, the orgasms are like a moon shot.
- I was thinking a horrible discount, that's yeah.
- Jealous much?
- About who are you orgasming?
- Her name is Kimmy Quiet Baby.
Oh, Bonnie, you're fat.
She's the white.
- Hi, fucker.
- Yes!
- I know.
- Good crap, guys.
- Is that a euphemism for something?
- It's a euphemism.
- There's a goddamn bear eating slabs of raw meat in the goddamn station!
- Hmm.
- Okay.
- Where are the guns?
- In the room with the bear.
- Do you ask where it is?
- I just got a delivery.
- Yeah, you go.
Where is he?
- In the room with the guns and the bear.
- What if we send rabbit out to fuck the bear as a means of distracting said bear?
- Yes.
- Goddamn it, we gotta get the meat out of there!
- Fine, fuck it.
- I'll do it.
- I'll go with you.
- Really?
- Yeah.
- What's the worst that could happen?
- You'd be involved by the bear.
- Or that bear would be involved by me.
- You ever think about that?
- No, I didn't.
- Okay, here's the plan.
I'll go out there and distract the bear while you get the meat and get the hell out of the
station.
- Please don't struggle with that shit.
Ooh, good idea.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Tell us a good growler in here.
Bitch.
Those guys have been assholes since the moment we arrived, and now they're trying to kill us.
This goes a lot farther than just being angry about losing their jobs.
Captain, we've been pelted by hockey pucks.
Had dicks tugged in front of our faces and gotten our asses kicked by prostitutes and pro-sexes.
I think it's time we had our own.
Who's with me?
Yeah!
I think.
All right.
He's starting to burn.
That's off.
A different guy that you have.
No, that's Donnie DeVito.
Donnie DeVito is the actor from Taxi, but the guy I like, he comes out on Always Sunny and Philadelphia.
But they're the same guy.
How many hundred forty-five set-meter actors do you think there are?
They're both Donnie DeVito.
Dude, no.
Donnie DeVito taxi a long time ago, but this producer from Always Sunny's, they like him so much, they put him into the show, eh?
That doesn't mean they can't be the same guy, but that's one guy from a different era.
He can do two shows in fucking thirty years.
How many times do we have to go over?
That's the same fucking guy!
He is Reginald.
He is the same guy, Donnie DeVito was in Taxi's, but he is also and is always Sunny in Philadelphia's.
I know I may joke on anything I don't know, but I know that.
He's always my favorite superhero villain.
He is the big one from that.
That's not fucking Donnie DeVito, huh?
Get a fucking clue!
That's Donnie DeVito you just said!
Can you believe this fucking guy doesn't know who Donnie DeVito is?
You mean the singer?
No, the fucking actor!
Donnie DeVito!
The guy who was married to Ria Perlman!
Oh, I like him in Hellboy!
That's Ron Perlman!
Shhh!
Doesn't matter!
Watch out for hockey!
What the fuck is wrong with you guys?
Both of you!
You're fucking from another planet!
I can't believe you live in the same country!
Oh, the fucking phone's ringing during Hockey Night in Canada!
I don't know who calling during Hockey Night in Canada!
That's a hard line anymore!
Watch out for RIP!
During the fucking border time, huh?!
Wait a minute!
I'm not in the streets!
I'm not in the streets.
I'm not in the streets!
Yeah!
Here we go.
Maybe your buddy is getting a little old for this.
And it's a death cop.
Hey, Danny.
Oh, sir, I have the nose of a king.
I'm going to tie that in here for the signal for you.
It's in registration, eh?
It's not funny.
Mr. Max.
And then, you think it's funny that I lost my balls in a tractor pull?
Well, you've got your nuts ripped off in a tractor pull.
I lost my response to my bicycle.
You know how fast I'll stop a bicycle?
Officer!
Hey, you're on my wagon!
It's in registration, eh?
Excuse me one second, eh?
Ow!
That's right, you!
Hey there.
This is in registration.
Are you the two that pulled me over before?
Big party?
I'm a piece now.
Or should I say meow?
What now?
A few years ago, you pulled me over and you played some game where you said meow?
Buddy, I've said it's kind of stupid things people abuse.
You asked if I saw you jumping around on a bimbly-bimbly from train to train?
I can assure you what matters to the words bimbly-bimbly in my life.
A fucker!
Yeah!
Ow!
You get taxed on the loser.
Oh my!
Wait!
You know what you're gonna do, son?
Oh, a bitch.
We've been in that for years.
It's okay.
It must do me.
You're a rat.
You know what?
We're gonna get better on this 'cause now it's driving me crazy.
Let's do this.
We'll switch.
You give me albedo and then you'll do the routine.
Mwah!
Alright.
Ah, I'm doing it too.
Ah.
What?
Registration, yeah?
Come on, now.
Ah, now I remember it.
That's very good.
Look at that.
In the meanwhile, yeah, never give your car keys to a stranger.
Oh my god.
No, that's not marijuana.
We'll see about that.
Ah!
Is that a good idea?
Sorry.
Is that a good idea?
Sorry.
Is that a good idea?
We're from America.
We don't speak French.
Oh.
Provide.
Can I hear you speak English?
I do.
Your papers.
We would like to eat your papers.
Can you show me your party papers?
Can we see a pretty famous?
Yes.
Oh my god.
I'm sorry.
You're obviously...
No, no, no, no.
I'm not going to lie.
It's all for me and my partner.
We should try to fight.
Without you, there's no way to go through the lights.
I'm sorry.
You're obviously...
No, no, no, no.
I'm not going to lie to me and my partner.
We should try to fight.
Without you, there's no way to go through the lights.
Do you know the key to life?
I'm fine.
The key to life is a penis in your asshole.
I've made your pardon, sir.
I think you must be saying that.
I'm not going to lie to you.
I'm not going to lie.
I'm not going to lie to you.
The key to life is a penis in your asshole.
I've made your pardon, sir.
I think you must be saying that wrong.
No, no, no.
The key to life is a penis in your asshole.
I don't think you're saying what you mean to say.
Oh, oui, oui, oui.
A penis, a penis.
You know, to smile, to be a penis.
*laughs*
You are asshole!
*laughs*
Household!
Keep your life is happiness in your household 3!
Keep your life is happiness in your asshole 3!
I'm trying to tell her that!
*laughs*
What did you say I said?
I don't even know
But we thought that you said that the key to life
is a penis in your asshole
*laughs*
You are like you just think everyone wants to fuck you!
No one wants to fuck you!
*laughs*
So you can do like a "Who's on First Pullover?"
Revin, Costello, and a whole time comedy
*laughs*
I do that!
It's too bad for you! My dad dropped me in the woods naked every summer!
Huh?
Oh, sounds too bad for you!
No, I can know you do this! Look at us!
We are pink, all red, white, and blue!
Does the colors of the French fly?
Oh, I want to do some of the props, the guys who did this, were British!
You're a big ghost burrito!
Who wants breakfast burritos?
Oh, get up!
*laughs*
This is a ghost!
First I get a call that the mountains are up far from sideways on the highways
Then I get a call that come down here!
It wasn't us!
These buddy guys, they kidnap us and they leave us in the woods to die!
Yeah, then they steal all three of our uniforms, man!
These guys put a bear in our station!
We're real Jews!
Big bears!
Yeah!
You a bear?
Maybe these are bears!
*laughs*
Hey, fellas, you weren't thinking about this all the long game!
These guys!
They impersonated all the search!
There is no way they're holding onto their jobs!
And I'll do you one better!
I get done talking to my good friend!
Just look!
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!
I'll mention this whole turnover thing!
Goes right out the window!
Boom!
Good boys!
Unpack your bags!
Revive those cable bundles!
'Cause you are not going anywhere!
I say we celebrate!
What do we have for breakfast?
I'm kidding!
I'm not going to be able to do it!
Jeremy!
Wait!
I'm not going to be able to do it!
This is Fred Savage right along the way!
I'm not going to be able to do it!
At least you make a black mint gum!
That would be choice!
You can call it "Minty Black"!
Yeah, I'll write that down too!
No one would buy that!
What?!
No one would buy that stupid gum!
Shit!
I would buy it if it was on friends!
If Ross or Rachel Judit selling hotcakes!
You, you, you follow me out here while I'm pissing just to tell me this shit!
Quit looking at my dick!
I'm not looking at your dick!
We're taking a piss!
So piss!
I don't want to go.
Big, hairy smile.
Why would you give me a shocker?
No way of saying thanks, honey.
You saved my life.
I was dead.
I don't know what you were doing.
You better make out with me, sweetheart.
I'm lying to you.
Come here.
Give me some more of that.
What the hell is that?
Same stuff.
I've got a shit ton more of it.
It's the end of your own days.
So you've guessed the card.
AK-47.
And it's every time you just explained.
There's nothing to explain.
This is our station.
This is Canada.
There are bears everywhere.
There are bears that go through my garbage every night.
I have cereal with bears.
The most popular breakfast.
I would say, Marios.
Any dare, Jamie.
I'm going to grab some meat.
Into a baby.
And I'll have your baby.
Pooch.
That's my mom.
Don't worry, I'm good, eh?
I'm just asking.
I'm boring.
It's okay.
It's like a real big one, dude, huh?
I told everyone how wonderful you are, though.
Why or not?
You have bad hearts.
Who wants Cran-Franc?
Nobody?
Hey, no Cran-Franc.
All right.
Cisco.
Jim-Goodie.
Cisco.
Say AK-48s.
The League of the U.S.
Why 48?
Because they hold one extra bullet.
Sure, you never know when you need just one bullet.
This one says tiger pants.
Sock it!
Shut up, barba.
The Chinese use us to get hard-offs.
I tried to get it once.
You can't bite the United States.
Dude.
Your mustache.
What a fist.
You're wearing a mustache, man?
Yeah.
It's a pustiche, okay?
I've had my little hair loss.
Don't worry about it.
Don't worry about your own goddamn mustache.
Can I tell you guys about our little moment?
Did you imagine cheese?
You told us far back.
I don't want to hear you.
All right, look, guys.
I know we're in some serious shit here.
If we can crack this case, we might just be able to get beyond this whole mounting thing.
We didn't do anything.
Officer, we kidnapped and impersonated officers of a sovereign nation.
Cigars, Canadian pills, counterfeit cell phones, AK-48s, and tiger pigs.
What's the link?
This stuff is more valuable in the U.S. than in Canada.
So it's a smuggling operation.
Someone's trying to move the shit over the border.
No, they're not.
This stuff is just sitting on Canadian land.
Yeah, okay.
But what happens when this Canadian land becomes American land?
You don't need to move it at all.
It's already on U.S. soil.
Exactly.
Unpassive smuggling.
It's my kind of crime.
So they must have the shit stashed all along the border.
Yeah.
But who is they?
Who are they?
I said this earlier, and you guys laugh at me.
So let me get to the mountains.
They are shit people, okay?
And they smoke Cuban cigars.
We've seen that.
They're getting transferred to God knows where.
I mean, when they have to lose.
I am starting to agree with Sherlock McServico over here.
Oh, I'm telling you, fellas.
In my experience, it's always the local cops.
Just give me if I feel that bird.
Barbara, that's a bald eagle.
Get away, baldy!
I got down.
I hope it's not the way to ticket this out.
I always wish it was shenanigans.
What are you doing?
I'm waiting here for an hour.
This is my song.
I know, but listen.
I'm sitting here.
Shut the fuck down.
I'm sitting here.
I'm singing here.
Shut the fuck down.
Will you please come home?
I'll give it for you guys.
Yeah, I'll give it for you guys.
I'll give it for you guys.
You got a whole beer.
A liter of cola.
What did you say?
You want a liter of cola.
Do you have that here?
Yeah, we got that 10 liter to light.
You get a punch guard.
You rack up 10 liters of cola.
Get yourself a freezer.
Bring all.
Bring all right now.
Bring all 10 liters and the punch guard.
I want it all right now.
Oh.
Yeah, that's pretty awesome.
That's good.
You're terrible.
I know I over-
Just the town you're so upset
about the tunnel for.
Even if you are.
I've actually been working on that for you.
For me?
No.
Moosehead.
Canadian beer.
Beaver chili.
Great Canadian.
I've been working on my French too.
I love this song.
Oh, it reminds me of Sommers on the Thames.
I can't say that, but I don't even know what I mean.
Sad song about the Nazi occupation of France.
Oh.
I'm sorry.
I hate you.
No, no, no.
About two dollars.
You don't know his name.
No.
I smell his nickname.
What?
It's broke.
And it's gotta be the mountains.
Why?
Because it's always the local clubs.
You're just a punch card.
See?
This is ten.
Technically, you have to drink all ten to get dessert.
Oh, you're challenging me?
Just be going in three seconds on the butter tart duel log.
Come on, chop chop.
That's what I do.
It is.
Nothing they can do with all that contraband until this land becomes American.
So all we have to do is push back the turnover until we can find the rest of the stuff.
Well, you're having a prank.
Who knows what's going to happen with the turn?
Whatever happens, we've got to solve this case.
Now, let's take a look.
I call it bad.
Okay.
They only saw it.
Duel up.
We deserve movement, farmer.
Fucking butter tart duel log.
Let's go.
Now.
Watch out.
Walk faster, finger blaster.
The detective's all the future.
In addition to rabbit.
Hold your bones.
Rabbit's gone.
Dash cam.
Look at this.
Eww, you clever little trick, you prick.
It's a compliment, shithead.
Fuck you, midget for rattles.
I mean, is there you no shop here?
No.
And on my desk?
Shut up, Farber.
This is serious.
Oh, what the fuck?
Now how are we going to find them?
All those iPhones have the same number.
Now, if we only have a triangle later, we can locate them.
Take that, you bastards.
Those are the phones, right there.
Enhance.
All right, but what is this place?
Enhance.
Skier and De La Vache.
All right, you guys speak French.
What does that mean?
I don't know what Sier means.
And I also don't know what Vache means.
So you really don't understand anything?
Sier de La Vache.
It's, uh, I believe it's the scary vase.
Yeah, well, let's see.
Sier's a beetle.
A beetle vase?
No.
Yes.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But La Vache is angry.
Angry beetle, kind of.
Yeah, angry beetle.
It's the sawmill of the cow, you idiots.
It's a sawmill.
Why sawmill of the cow?
It doesn't make sense.
Let's go and give those carnapple heads a good old-fashioned red, white, and rude.
Fist fuck it!
Yeah!
Shuffin' shuffin'!
Ooh.
I'm going to drag a glass soda.
It just now occurred to me you and I have never been alone together before.
Thank God.
Seriously, if we ever had a one-on-one conversation.
Why wouldn't we?
You seem like a pretty boring dude.
Still making a blonde cop or...
Yeah.
Sure, I don't know if so.
Have you completely lost your sense of direction?
Well, you're yelling at me certainly doesn't help.
That's right, I thought that was the term.
Shut up, Mr. Perfect!
No sense, no sense.
Yeah!
Give it to me!
I'm a formalist.
I'm still going to go back and get that water-train, no log.
Listen, let's milk this cow.
Smugglers!
You're not a fucking smuggler!
Hey, hey, hey!
Something's not right!
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!
Anyone is right!
Something doesn't add up here!
Smugglers!
You tell us these guys are the smugglers, eh?
Well, it's a lot smarter than telling you that I'm the smuggler!
What do you mean, you're the smuggler?
Oh, I'm sorry.
What else is it going to do?
Being in the mirror of a small Canadian town sounds romantic and cool.
Being in the mirror of a small American town sounds like you're an illusion.
All along the borderline, I never would've thought that the guys from Fred Savage Institute would be the ones to trip me.
These aren't the cops that killed Fred Savage!
Exactly.
But I will say, this little, uh, rivalry between police forces is the perfect opportunity to take you both of them.
Well now we're taking you in.
Sorry, but that's not the way it's going to go.
I'll read, if you would be so kind.
Oh, holy shit, and two pay attention to that man.
Your rabbit wasn't quick enough, maybe next time he'll pop a little faster.
If anything happens to him, I'm gonna fuck you six ways to Sunday!
He's the wheeze.
Now I know who gobbled all my fovis culture.
So, drop your guns.
Rabbit and his girlfriend will multiply in gruesome fashion.
You come to her.
Are you ready?
Missy!
You give me, and then you tie me to his robe?
Just meet these and lay.
And then I'll just larder les interrances.
I'll go and see you next time.
It'll attack you.
What about your accent?
Andrea Spooner
Ontario Provincial Police
Shut up!
The organized crime unit of the Ontario Provincial Police
You assholes!
Just moved 3 years of work from me
I was this close to getting your supplier
Now I'll never get him
I'm happy to offer your pull calls
Shut the fuck up!
When you're squeaking up back there
Keep an eye out for my palsies
Where are you going?
You're an upper hero geek
An hockey player who owned a whore house
Yeah, that thing you smell like it
Curse in the Canadian system
Who is he well-loving?
He's very pregnant
You were the fit and good in Calgary
And talk about that what's a good
Oh God, I actually had defense in Mok-Chomp
Oh, the worst Mok-Garb that guy, huh?
No, he ended up in the QSBH all by the time he's 38
Boring!
Ah!
Oh, easy!
Easy!
Ah!
There he is!
You're acting the Japanese flag
Oh!
Hey man, thanks for saving my life
I don't know what I would've done without you
Oh, it's okay, I need a hug
Oh!
Not for you!
You're-
Ow!
You're-
Dude!
Are you lactating?
I'm just doing what my body tells me to do
Okay?
Okay, Korn, you're the fifth
near the dead. You're not going to wear t-shirt cuttings. Sorry I lied. You were very sweet, but also very gullible. Get together and listen to some old time French music. That gets all healed up. Yeah, sure. And 50 cc morphine shaving cream on the razor. Razor for what? I have to remove the hair from your testicles. I have to stitch you up. Well, what? No, what? Why did you just get it? It's a paper bed. All you need to do is get all of it. Hey guys. Happy trails. Looks like the roof is good.
We did. We caught the sluggers. Yeah. Little piggy crying. Goddamn. What the? You. I just lost a pussy bed. If I told you, I'd have to kill you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Given your involvement with this bust, how does it feel to know that you are still being replaced? You know, when they first arrive, I'm wondering where these people, they come here, they kill you.
our land. But then I have it my answer. They are heroes. Men. They put their life on the
land for us. One of them, he invented my life. This dang guy here with the wet dicks.
He hates Americans. I have to tell you, if these gentlemen are an example of what it means to be
an American, then I am proud to be an American too. All right, I am. I'm proud to be American.
So we're leaving the starter station up north. But I say with great confidence that we could
leave you at better hands than in those of the Vermont highway. Motherfucker on this planet.
Tell me why. You tell me. Oh yeah, me. Actually, I'm here to tell you that the U.S. and Canadian
governments have decided to postpone the turnover until the rest of the hidden contraband is found.
So wait, are we Canadians or are we Americans? You're still Canadians for now and that's going
to continue indefinitely. Sorry. So we are now in control of this area again. No, no, no, no. We've
both got the authority. You've got the authority to go take a flying fuck and a rolling donut. Hey,
we just saved your life. You remember that? We have an expression here. Nicole, what have you done
for me lately? Yeah, maybe we'll haul your ass back out to the woods naked. Or maybe we can burn it down
your white house again, eh? What the hell does that mean? The war of 1812. I don't know your history.
Oh, no, no, no. Savage? What's going on? Back in Tyrone, man. Oh, nice to meet you, officer.
Oh, well, sir. Nice to meet you. Fred. So what's with the ride log? You got a cop movie coming up?
Uh, no, it's actually a new show for the sci-fi channel. It's a small town alien invasion show called The Monsters.
Oh. So do you guys spend a lot of time getting, uh, cancer activities at the, uh, job?
No, no, we get the call and then we call the fire department. They get the thing, huh?
Oh. Can I actually trouble you for, uh, a quick selfie?
No, no, no, no, no. Hey, Princess, right?
Yes. I'm what?
This is what I get made for me in high school.
Oh, good. You're welcome.
But, uh, holy shit.
Fred fucking savage, huh?
Uh, yes.
How are you?
You still with Winnie?
Uh, no, no. Just, uh, just the show.
My boss, hoppy seconds.
I'm gonna get the cat. I'm gonna get the cat.
Mr. Savage only can't let you do that because, you know, we're responsible for your safety.
Don't worry about it. I'm an expert client.
You know the movie Super Monkey?
Yeah.
I do all my own sets in that movie.
I'm good at the trees.
Yeah.
Look at the girl.
Hey, you see it.
Yeah.
Hey, Mr. Savage, those Super Monkeys suck.
Yeah, the monkeys are so fucking big.
Hey, you know, I can hear you guys.
All right, you should try acting in a movie and doing your own stuff.
It's really hard.
I'm sure.
All right, no, we did.
Hey, no.
Oh, no.
Rip the merry-go.
I love a cat.
Here's a cat.
She doesn't want to be held.
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